Silence

April 29, 2013 by Usha Pisharody 10 Comments

Now that is word that a teacher would use (with a few exclamations after it, for effect!). More likely shout. :D… and shatter what little silence there could be. That would not be silence. It would be a pregnant roar about to be delivered through the painful labour of the innumerable spasmodic suppressed students. I know. I’ve been there, from both sides of the teacher’s table 😆

What I’ve been wanting to write about is a totally, ideologically, and profoundly different word altogether, that is spelt the same, but whose inflections and nuances are a universe away :D. I guess I’m waxing poetic. The strains of Simon and Garfunkel’s “Sounds of Silence” (youtube link) had been playing on loop inside my head from morning, this lazy Monday morning let me add, gleefully 😛 , that I needed to do something about it. That is the very systematic and methodical way this rambler works. The words and notions have to force her to do something about it; else they nag and nudge and will never budge, till they are displayed in all their eccentric splendour.

I like to think of myself as a ‘silence’ person. ( I guess some people may find this hard to believe  😛 , but really this is so 😀 ). Someone who loves the word, is comfortable with it, and is ok with its absence too, but not for extended periods 😀 The lyrics of ‘Sounds of Silence’ are eerily haunting today, for this is my state of mind.

Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seed while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted 
In my brain, still remains
Within the sound of silence

It began in the morning, silent and soft. I did not talk as in talk for the whole of the morning and well into the afternoon. Except for a few cursory phone calls. And I liked that so much. There was no music, nor was the TV switched on. Somedays, it is like that 🙂 However, talking was going on, inside my head. And I dreamed. 🙂 I wondered to myself, how long I could go without saying anything. I’ve got a pretty good record for long periods when I have not really (sometimes even wanted to) talk out aloud. For a teacher I guess that is to be expected, when not being silent is occupational hazard.

This morning, the silence was acute. And I practically touched it. Enjoyed its feel. Pondered on whether, if kept up for a long time, my voice might crack, or the words would not articulate themselves, or the pitch and modulation would go awry. I fancied myself stumbling, sounding hesitant, unsure and groping for words. I expected to feel a strange panic too, at that… given that talking is supposed to be my ‘thing’. A lot of colleagues at work say (in Malayalam) -Language kayyillinndd (she has the necessary proficiency in the language). Questionable as that might be, the oxymoron (or simply the moron 😛 ) that I am, I like talking too 😀 (Yes, I head those murmurs. No, I have not yet lost my sanity – would love to, though!; and no it’s going to take me a few more words before I shut up here 😛 😛 )

Silence and I are long time companions by now. Especially after the kids left to live their own lives 🙂 My littler kids, Kuttan and Chinnu would also understand silences, stay close, and ‘talk’ in their own wonderful ways. 🙂 Not barking, or even sniffling… 🙂 We knew. With one’s kids around, well, silences have to be sacrificed, haven’t they? To have to talk, and to have to listen to someone talking all the time, compulsively, has to be the worst sort of punishment 😀

The oft quoted “If you cannot understand my silence, you will never understand my words” really does make sense, you know 🙂 Silence, this sort, that communicates, and that gentles, that speaks, is precious. Most of us know this; but I do know others who have to have the ‘noises’ around them. Especially people talking. Music, one can understand, (though LOUD music is still a grey area with me 😀 ), but to listen to gibberish (well mostly 😛 ) and dish out the same, because you HAVE to… that is a condition, ain’t it? 😀

I realized too, all of a sudden, that I had written something similar (link) that reflects in part, the notions expressed here 🙂 That picture, with that write, is sometimes so me. To have to share something similar five years after that one speaks of the latent presence, I suppose! Maybe.

800 words plus, on Silence has to be the most ironical part of this ramble. I’ll spare you more 🙂 But before I go, could I add my own brand of philosophy here? Silences do heal and rejuvenate, I have found, just as they can do the opposite. Today, I’m here about the Silences that Speak… Just so you know 🙂 A perfect quote that summarises what I’d like to say:

When you become aware of silence, immediately there is that state of inner still alertness. You are present. You have stepped out of thousands of years of collective human conditioning.

ECKHART TOLLE, Stillness Speak

29 April, 2013
Online
The views expressed herewith are deeply personal, but of course, and the rambler is fully cognizant of the fact that it may be regarded as pure gibberish. She’s in that inner space, right now. 😀