A Quest on Overdrive … :)

An eccentric rambler on life's lessons and mercies, found and lost… :)


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Stalemate

Yes, I dared.
To speak.
And more.
To act as well.
Upon them words.

Caught you unawares, I know.

Still, what matters
Is this.

Caught your eye.

Didn’t I just!

Your move, mate.

And see if I’m not
Prepared.

I’m game.

The game.

It quite devours. Does it not?

Done. Dusted. Or not.
And then we wonder
What the eff just happened!

11 February, 2017
Online, on traitorous thoughts of trivialities tending to tempt tantrums 😛
Go figure. 😛 

 


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She tried. She really did.

Teetering on the edge
Of possibilities
They pulled me back.
Peremptorily. Sagely.
Masking the accusation
That leaked edgeways
From their words.

Words dripping
Saccharine sweet.

They called me
To Opportunities.
Them. Who called
Me. To talk.
It’s nothing, they said.
That edge you say you’re on?
It’s merely an illusion.
It’s only in your head.

See?
Just a nonsensical illusion
Fed by… maybe a sense of 

Self-pity?
This, with that
Smug, satisfied air
Of The One Who Knows It All.

We know, they said.
We know just how it is.

Do you?
I screamed.
Albeit silently.
I did not
Want to worry them.
Because, you see,
Self-preservation includes
Making oneself as
Invisible as possible.

You do not need
Their attention.
Their Incomprehensible,
Sometimes Insufferable
Sympathy.

Empathy is rarer
Than that pink, well cut diamond.
Should you find one.
I hope, I tell myself,
(as motivation)
You’ll recognise it
Keep it, even if you
Pay with all the
Pain you’ll feel..
That you share
When you share
If you do.
Would it help?
Maybe. Maybe.

That’s the voyage
You’ll never embark on
Maybe.
But just stand on
The Sands of Time
Look out at the
Billowing waves.

Wondering how long
Before you
Give in and
Drown.

Quite, quite drown.

Remembering, of course
To leave behind
The words. The instruction
For this epitaph.

She tried.
She really did. 

7 February, 2017


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Pularum Iniyum Naalegal

പുലരും ഇനിയും നാളെകൾ , a film by Shilpa Krishnan Shukla, that was screened at the 12th International Film Festival of Thrissur. Thrissur being Shilpa’s and quite a few of the main members’ home town as well 🙂

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There is always tomorrow, would be a rough translation, according to the film, by this name, Shilpa Krishnan Shukla’s film. Shilpa has featured on this blog here (LINK)

Disclaimer: This is what I call a Non review 🙂 The note next to the blog on the right side with tell you there are only non-reviews here 🙂 So is this, of this charming film, just over an hour long, written, directed and produced by Shilpa.

The film is set in Abu Dhabi, the events of a day, in the accidental meeting of long lost friends, Antony and Durga, who decide to spend a day together, with Durga self appointed as a guide to show Antony the city, while catching up on the intervening 8 years since they last met, and in the process talking of their fears, their dreams, their changing identities.

They meet, Antony and Durga, at the coffee shop of the hotel where he is, or rather he recognizes her voice as she speaks on her cellphone, turns to see her, and slowly recognition dawns on her face too. That moment unfolded so beautifully, hauntingly, almost. I loved how the camera tenderly dealt with that moment, and the actors lent such a tangible feeling to the emotion welling up in them. Awkward, happy, relieved, guilty… all of these.

They get to talking, till Antony finally asks if he could ask her a frank question. She replies in the affirmative, saying she knows what it was going to be. Why she did not turn up, those 8 years ago as he waited at the railway station for her, to elope, as their parents were against their plans to marry. The reasons she gives may not be palatable to all, but there is that assurance, the certain ring of honesty in her words, a self deprecating evaluation of herself, the notions she carries, they carry.

They’ve moved on, both of them, into marriages they are happy in, each of them parent to a child too. Fantastical? Unreal? But then fiction is easy to believe, while reality is far more fictional sometimes right? So with this. The witty repartee, most often, bringing smiles to our faces, carries on through the film. A day long conversation between one time best friends, amiable, sharing of themselves, their wishes, their spouses, their children, where they seemed to be moving.

Antony is settled in Australia, in Sydney ( I loved that 😛 ) and Durga is in Muscat, having come to Abu Dhabi for a marraige. Serendipity that they should meet. Talk, and then at the end of the day… At the end of that lovely day, they have to part again, right? I’ll let you find out, when you watch 🙂

What struck me was how it reminded me of Before Sunset (part 2 of the trilogy ), the day long walk, drive, talking between the friends, nine years after they met. Of course, this one isn’t like that, but I was delighted to be reminded of that movie. There is, as I was telling a friend, a Linklateresque feel to it (yep!coined the word 😛 ). The music, how it began at just that apt moment in the conversation. The camera work, how it loved the passing scenery, the actors faces, the editing (errr… what little I know of the techniques, I’m trying to put down like I know everything 😀 ), and yes, the acting, the acting – quite quite , not acting. Balaraman Kunduvara and Gayathri Gopal have been wonderful.

Shilpa’s writing could never be faulted, all those 1000 days of Chronicling, I’ve never read anything that sounded off. And so too the scripting, a mixture of Malayalam and English, with subtitling that was so easy on the eye and did not take anything away from the screen, but added to it 🙂

Pularum Iniyum Naalegal has been part of different Film Festivals, all over, and brought in critical acclaim and awards too. I hope I shall be excused for not researching enough to tell you which ones, and I do hope Shilpa will fill us in, in the comments section 🙂

My generation might find “messages” in it, about how young people in love ought to be, but I think even that was handled in a sensitive yet practical manner. Something for everyone, and yet the story takes a stand. Well, you got to watch to understand. No spoilers here 🙂

The best part? How a gang of us teachers and former students, Shilpa’s batch, from Bhavan’s Poochatty, turned up to watch 🙂 Such a proud proud moment for us!

Did I say? I loved it. I shall definitely be watching it again 🙂

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Mandatory Pic with the Star, for us, Shilpa 🙂

Shilpa, take a bow! We are wowed. Yet again! Waiting for the next one now 🙂

Edited to add: Here is the list of awards and screenings that Pularum Iniyum Naalegal has had 🙂 Research done 😛

http://shilpakrishnanshukla.com/latest-film-festival-news-for-pularum-iniyum-naalekal/

4 February, 2017


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Limbo

Suns burn with the
Irony of a knowledge
That blinds.
Light. So much light.
But never enough
To chase the shadows.
Yet, always too
Much to let
The Shadows be.

Times when I need
The Shadows
I’m blinded.

Else, it’s the eclipse
Where I exist.
(Cease.)

Hither and thither
Emotions scuttle
Like roaches fleeing light;
Or perish,
Moth to flame.

So, each night,
I flood my room
With light.

For only then
Can I be lost.

Or found.

21 December, 2016

Sigh.


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Renewal

(This one’s a sequel, if you wish. A write prompted by a dear reader’s “:(” and a “Whyyyy”! Yep. This rambler is certified… 🙂 And so, this came to be. Unbeknownst 🙂 )

Renewal (a sequel to Redemption)

(or, What were the Odds!)

She stumbled out of the slowly brightening hall. The credits had rolled out, a smattering of applause gathered momentum, and by the time she’d reached the exit, everyone was standing.

She paused at the door, turned, raised her hands and applauded. She saw him, at the end of the aisle, his parents beside him, Raksha behind. That endearing smile lit his face. She blew him a kiss, which he wouldn’t see anyway, and slipped out. The lobby was deserted. His favourite, this theatre used to be, from school, she remembered.

Glad and sad, she made her way outside, called an auto and fled before the others came. Straight to her hotel. She was booked for the early morning flight. Her goodbyes were done – even though he’d asked for her company at the post-screening informal do he’d arranged. She’d made non-committal noises but had already decided. He knew of course. He couldn’t not.

She was packed. With nothing but her thoughts for company – she felt undone, claustrophobic. Quickly changing into jeans, shirt and sneakers, she fled once again, this time to the park, where they had first met. A couple of introverts who somehow found the courage to smile at each other and talk. She had been in the city as a resource person for a couple of workshops on creative writing. Serendipity, it had to be, that he had been part of a group she worked with. What were the odds, she mused, that a decade on they’d remained friends; more than that, in the least clichéd way.

She’s watched, seen him grow, in confidence, find focus, despite the way life shattered pyrotechnically around him. As it had been for her as well. To have the luxury of owning yourself – with no lien of love, of another’s heart, was at once a tragedy as it was satisfying. She knew that wasn’t her state of being, but she was working towards it.

She walked past the park, to the road that bordered the sea. This was his favourite place. He’d mentioned it often, of taking her there, but it had never happened. Distances, physical distances, the obligation to life, to family, meant it hadn’t been possible. It was pretty much a miracle that they’d even been in touch over the years, and stayed close – mirrored thoughts, hopes, hearts even – both being in hopeless relationships with entirely different people! What were the odds, indeed! She smiled. Found a spot, relatively free, and watched the ocean, perched on the built up wall, with the rocks stretching beyond to meet the waves.

The ebb and surge, the gurgling, the splashing, that constant, hypnotic hum of the waves…she lost herself in it. She wasn’t sure how much time had elapsed, but she was at peace. She held her backpack on her lap, arms wrapped around it, chin resting on top of it. Wispy tendrils framed her face, her tired eyes at peace. The silence, despite the sounds around her, was tangible; almost as if she’d created a bubble of stillness around her.

A bubble of stillness, in which she sat, with that faraway look. These were his thoughts, as he stood a few feet away, watching intently, a warm smile in his eyes, a sigh of relief hovering, unreleased. He continued to stand, and watch- in a stance akin to communion, a prayer. He did so, knowing her to be oblivious even to the night, so alive around her bubble of solitude.

Uncharacteristically, he was lost for words. He did not want to impinge upon her peace, though he longed to smoothen her hair, those wispy tendrils, rest his hands on her shoulders and drop a kiss on the top of her head. A surge of love rushed, and overwhelmed him. With sudden clarity, he recognized it for what it was. What were the odds! It was as if her thoughts had sneaked into his.

In the three hours, post screening, he’d smiled and talked, and been a quiet, but genial host, receiving with gratitude the kind and fulsome words of appreciation. As soon as he was able, he’d beat a hasty retreat, knowing a sense of loss. Of someone. Raksha was beside herself with joy. He was glad for that – that was truly redemption – the dream they had had, had now come to fruition. Honestly the credit went to her, her indefatigable spirit in pushing him. As co-author and instigator, he made sure she’d shared all the credit, in large, bold letters and presence. Yes, he loved her, and would always do so. But her hold on him seemed to diminish, now that he was on the road to forgiveness, to himself. She got that dream of hers, made him work towards his, and now had a foothold for further progress. A certain peace flooded him, lightening his ever heavy heart, filling a vacuum carried too long.

At the same time, his palm tingled with reminiscent warmth. It was the first time she’d reached out in public to hold his hand, even though they were not the hand-holding type. His lips quirked into a grin, as he felt that familiar sense of security, whenever he thought of her. His rock of Gibraltar, that was what she’d been all along. If there was one thing she’d brought back to his life, it was laughter and trust.

He wouldn’t find that elsewhere. It was something he needed, right now.

She wasn’t at her hotel. Her cell phone was switched off. On a chance, he decided to go to the park. Nothing. There was only one place he found solace in all those troubled times. The shoreline. He decided to walk it down, and reaching, began to slowly savour the throbbing life this place always lent to his weary heart. As he walked, he felt that faint prickling at the back of his neck – seriously, it was such a dramatic moment that he nearly laughed out loud, involuntarily.

All those times they’d talked about this, that instinctive knowing, a gut feeling – all that played back, and he knew now what she meant. She was near. As incredible as it was, he simply knew it for real. Walking on, he found her bunched up, chin on backpack resting on her lap. She’d changed into the casual clothes she loved so much.

He stepped up to her, and did just exactly what he’d thought he would. Smoothened her hair, dropped his hands to her shoulders, and dropped a kiss on her head. Sat beside her.

She sighed. Smiled. Leaned into his shoulders, as he put an arm around her shoulders and tucked her head under his chin. This moment was theirs alone. His arm tightened as she snuggled close. He’d tell her, soon, how those demons would never again bother him much. If she’d stay.

She thought. Tonight. It would happen tonight. The inevitable recognition of a soulmate. She prayed for strength to leave; he, that she’d stay. She, fierce, headstrong, independent, kind.

That chasm of yearning, yawning between them, suddenly seemed bridgeable.

22 January, 2017
One of those things, again, that simply had to be.