A Quest on Overdrive … :)

An eccentric rambler on life's lessons and mercies, found and lost… :)


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An Acknowledgement

An unnamed despair
Gnaws my insides.
Desolate and alone-
Suddenly.

Unknowing, yet
Unceasing is the

Numbness.

A thick haze of
Self-piteous vapours
Fogs my consciousness;
And all I want
Is to seek
The darkest corner
Of Isolation.

Numb.

Yet I must acknowledge
That when this ice cracks
And I shall be
Chilled to the bone
In pain,
I shall be glad.

At least then
I would feel
And, once again,

Be Human.

Usha, 16 February, ’08


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What If…

If that moment had been
Delayed, by just that
Infinitesimal second;
I know, I would have seen you.

If that plea had been
Received, just that bit
More openly, all that unspoken
Pain, and questions…

You know, I would have been
A better human.

If my hand had reached out
And held on to yours-
Perhaps you’d have regained
Your footing; and then, for sure
I know, we’d have been blessed.

Sadly, all I can say now is-

What If…

Usha, 7 Febraury, ’08


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Moment lost forever…










A little girl stood
beside her
Arms outstretched.
Demanding, commanding
Carry me.

She looked down
from the curtains
she was pinning.
Not now dear. Busy, you see?

The moment passed.
The little girl stepped back.
Forever. It was one too many times.
Not again, ever, would she ask.

And she. Waiting to finish,
to pick her up and cuddle.
Impatient, finding her, at last –
In the tree house,
busy with her family.

She. Arms outstretched
eyes pleading in apology.

Not now, Mama. Busy, you see??

Usha, 30 April, ‘07


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Billet doux




In a world which
deems it right
that each one maintain oneself-

I am hopelessly yours.

This affliction;
this deep sense of inevitability;
this joy and pain: contradicting and combining..

This totality in giving myself
This….

This they call my insensibility.

Reason, logic, sense of rightness or wrong
fade out in an aura
of an intense purposefulness
to be yours.

For my mind and soul, that I cannot posses
For my body: the only thing I posses-

I give you myself.

My relentless love impales any querulous cautioning
of my mind.

I am
Insensibly

Yours…..


Usha, 30 June, ’83

Billet doux [French] : Love Letter:)


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Still…

Depression was supposed
to be a thing
of the past;
Till I realized
Today,
After yesterday
And yesterday…

How much,
How painfully,
I miss you.

And emotions
Gushing so uncontrollably
from deep within,

Tell me
Just how
Little I knew
How Much

I love you.

Still.

Usha, 12 April, ’86