A Quest on Overdrive … :)

An eccentric rambler on life's lessons and mercies, found and lost… :)


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A Luminous Lodestar

It’s been a year, for the stars, you and your nearly 3 weeks older cousin, hasn’t it?

A year to mark, the first of the tally-count of yearning, to simply see you.

A year, a whole year of watching you grow, gurgle, giggle, glow! A year, dearest dearest Dhruv, A YEAR!

We meet almost each day though, through smiles, songs, squeals and sillinesses. The kind that Achammas and Grandbetas make their very own, for we’re exempt, aren’t we, from keeping rules-schmooles!!!

I wish I were holding you right now, instead of sending you these word-hugs to tell you how much I love you! How much I wish…. No no, Achamma won’t just wish, she shall make it happen… She’ll sing “Just you wait ‘enry ‘iggins, Just you wait” (Pssst… Your mom and I watched it a long time ago, together, and laughed so hard – let’s watch too, sometime, with your siblings, the N gals! Naina is going to roll her eyes I know 😂)

Darling Dhruv, here’s wishing you a happy happy FIRST! And here’s my wish:

The stars in my eyes
Glow all the brighter
Because you’re YOU!

May the naughty sparkle in your eyes always shine 🤩

May the innocent smiles you give so easily, never fade!

May your gurgling laughter ever bubble
Lending wings to happinesses…

Your tiny chubby fists
Hold our hearts!

Make us breathless, make us love you all the more!

May each day be a confetti burst of all you wishes
With laughter and tears, sometimes
Smiles and sounds
Friends and family
Birds, trees and animals
Books and stories, and warm sloppy hugs and kisses
And an ever happy wagging tail
That’s Bowie’s!

May these be yours!

Stay blessed, dear one. Love.

15 June, 2021


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Been there, done that

That’s who she was, someone on the go, having seen so much in her nearly 15 years of life. Here’s to you Paru!

“How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?” (song reference, Maria, from The Sound of Music) That question so describes Paru, a darling, not a headache, a flibbertijibbet, a will o the wisp, a wave upon the sand, a cloud so hard to pin down… An angel of a fur baby with the temperament that was all friendly and cuddlesome. (We, as a family, refuse to call them just dog or cat. I know, it’s … hatke!)

She was a wee mite, abandoned outside my parents’ home, early March, 2006 – maybe a month or six weeks old, wailing pitifully! It was afternoon, and we’d had lunch. I went out, picked her up and she sniggled right in as if she belonged. They know, so much better than us, don’t they?

Appu, our year old, lanky, perpetual ball-in-the-mouth Alsatian, was in residence. A young male, likely to be aggressive to a wee pup? Nah! This was Paru. She had him twisted right around her adorable self, almost immediately. I have an audio-less video of her playing with him, the afternoon she arrived. How gentle Appu was! How endearingly energetic Paru was! By evening, they had become inseparable – till Appu went onwards ten years later.

As she grew, by leaps and bounds, literally, (she scaled, jumped over the compound walls and went walkabout, greeting all and sundry affably, so much so that she was soon the naattukkarude ammai 😛 ), we knew we had to give her her head… And what a gorgeous head she had complete with a one in a million Railway Signal Ears 😀 As her human siblings (us, kind of) had received, she too received her dose of discipline, and loads more unconditional love, and more freedom to wander – she knew where home was, no doubt!

By the close of the year, November, 2006, she had become distinctly rounder – just before she could be spayed, and she gave us Christmas gifts on 26 December, 2006 – 7 pups in all! I was the mid-wife 😀 The oldest was Kuttan, my very own bachcha! Kuttan of the pointy ears! (My younger son maintains that Appu must have been his dad, for there remained between then for the next ten years a simmering aggression – sigh!)

Our extended family was growing – Chinnu, my lab, Kuttan, and Malu our cat, later Mia joined, all of them at my place, and Paru, Appu at my parents! Her pups were all adopted at about 6-8 weeks, but Kuttan stayed on with me.

My younger brother says she is so much my Mom, who loves their home in Cherplassery more than any other place! Paru would, maybe, tolerate a couple of days away from there, but after that she would pine to be back there. Once she had to stay with me, Chinnu and Kuttan for about three weeks, while Appu and my parents went to stay with my YB. Three days into her stay with us, she had had it. Each day, she would go and sit in the car, if I opened and door, and sit, patiently waiting for me to get in and take her home. When my parents finally returned and she joined them, she refused to go to my mother for a whole evening. It was the next morning before she forgave my mother. Ever since, my mother has never separated Appu and Paru, neither has she left her anywhere else other than her home, with me babysitting her 😊

She would unfailingly visit our neighbour after she had her late afternoon snack of biscuits, and spend some time with them, for they too had biscuits ready for her. To say that they miss her just as much is an understatement. Every person here, in cpl, knew her so well, and would come home to enquire about her if they did not see her for a few days.

When she finally breathed her last, so many of them came to pay a condolence visit with my parents! Towards her later years, maybe the last 6 to 7 years, she was prone to panic attacks at loud sounds – firecrackers, thunder, heavy rain. Her way of dealing with it was to run out to wide open spaces. She hated to be home then. Soon we learned to recognize the signs, and would keep her indoors till the worst had passed. It was difficult as she would be restless, trembling, chew up corners of the furniture. Poor dear!

Arthritis soon caught up with her, and the past couple of years have been hard. She would still walk, run out in panic, but it was a laboured walk. A couple of years ago, she went missing on Vishu day amidst the firecrackers. She was still missing the next morning, and my Mom had sent out search parties, calling people, she herself going out to look for her. Soon news reached about a dog located at the bottom of a dry well, a bit shallow, thankfully, and lined with dried coconut palm leaves. Paru. Miraculously unhurt! That was in 2018. It was the worst, we thought.

Next year. Vishu. She went off at the loud sounds again. She was almost 14 years by then. She did not return that night (as she usually would), not the next day. Panic was beginning to set in at home, and soon, my YB and I arrived to search too. He from Bangalore, I from my son’s place. She went missing on Monday afternoon. Tuesday, Wednesday (we arrived) passed. We got posters made, with my mother’s phone number on it, her red collar, her friendly face, her red collar … all there. It was shared on social media, on whatsapp, put as flyers in newspapers. Wednesday passed, nothing. I was constantly on the edge, close to tears. Thursday morning, we began early, scouting the hill nearby, where she was sighted. Each time we went in the direction she was supposed to have taken, it appeared we missed her by an hour or so… This went on till evening. It was four days now, our 14 year old, arthritic Paru was missing – at this point Mom said, I just wish I could know and see her, I need to know. Acceptance was being prepared.

That night, Thursday, it rained. Thunder, lightning. YB said, I’m going. She’s bound to be out and walking. We’ll find her. Mom joined and so did SIL and I. 9.30 pm in the rain, saw the red Wagonar, with three women hollering Paruuuuuu Paruuuuuu, on the roads a few kilometres away, where she was reported to have been sighted.

Suddenly, mom’s phone rang. The voice at the other end said, Your Paru just passed us by, she looks scared. You must know, it was night, raining, dark. Where, where, asked Mom. Turned out, we were 2 minutes away, around the corner! YB vroomed there. I jumped out, and three young men, pointed the way down a dark curving narrow lane. There, they said. I ran.YB parked the car. Mom and I were racing down, shouting her name. And there she was, turning around to look, unable to believe her eyes!. She came to me, snuggled right into my arms, like that first time!

Thanking the powers that be, thanking these young guardian angels sent down for her, for us, we picked up our precious treasure and headed home. What a moment that was. I still have goosebumps when I think back to that moment. Another few moments, and the time would have passed when we would ever see her again. That age? One never knew. Serendipity that time and space and the numerous prayers and blessings worked!

This was last year, 14- 18 April, 2019. As the months passed, she mellowed, became slower, her legs a bit more stiff. My mother was the North on her compass, and she’d miss her terribly even if she went on a short errand. She suddenly seemed unusually fragile. Last year, we thought she wouldn’t see another Vishu. But she did. This year, 2020. She couldn’t find energy to go out much, and stayed in.

In September, this year, she took seriously ill, unable to stand for long, unable to walk steadily, and had to be helped to go out to poop and pee. A couple of weeks of constant care, nurturing saw her gaining strength, but the signs were there that she was just taking care to see we were not troubled by her.

She waited till December, I think, to celebrate my parents’ 60th anniversary in the first week of December, spend some time with us. The last couple of days must have been really difficult, though it was only Mom and Dad with her then. She did not linger, she did not give them any trouble, but after the visit to the Vet, on Saturday morning, she quietly lay down and let go.

What matters is that she is no more in pain, no more difficulty in walking, and she’s joined her tribe to make it their special foursome, Chinnu, Appu, Kuttan and Her, gambolling away, in Pet’s Paradise, though they must all be waiting to meet us, in lifetimes to come. I firmly believe that.

Funny, isn’t it? All the while, when we think we have rescued them, we fail to understand and appreciate this one simple fact – it’s US, each of us who is rescued, when we love and cherish them. No one, not a single person, will ever love you, like they do. We’re given the privilege and honour to share their love. May we never forget that. To all the fur babies I’ve known and been rescued by, and most of all to you, dearest Paru – Thank You.

Peace,my darling girl.

Paru – early March 2006 – 19 December, 2020


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Dreamer-Doers

For the longest time, with this new-blog-post box open, my fingers hovered over the keyboard, the cursor blinking away inside the (new editor-layout-er, so says WP 😛 ) title box, what I would key in, and let the blog write itself. I kid you not. I obsess blog post titles, and when that title just has to come write itself, it does. I really really kid you not 😀 . When that time is right (Naadodikkattu dialogue alert – Vijayan and Dasan 😛  ) it happens, as it has today. 

This blog is part of my blog tradition, one that almost took a bashing along with a whole host of others in my wee state – but luckily it has survived, being one that actually sustains love and empowers both writer and reader to be able take more and more verbiage 😀 It all about the Family, in this one, and a special two, who, being the more practical of the lot of us, are also the Dreamer-Doer-Duo 😛 *The blogger-rambler-proud-momma pats herself on the back at the alliterative hyphenated title for them* Tee heeee 😀 

Last year they received a Five Star rating, which has risen beyond our own, heck, their own expectations! Families always expect na? We, in ours, actually did not. But then, remember what the title says Doers. That’s them. Planning, getting organized, implementing. After the dream is carefully nurtured. It’s a tough act to follow, you can bet! Nearly two hundred and fifty words on and we’re still dealing with chaff! Where’s the grain, you ask? Ahem, drum roll and all that jazz – here they are, them two 🙂 

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Ashwin, my second born, and Neeti my DIL, over the past six years ❤ 

They have been a very hatke couple, right from the word go 🙂 In these times where young people prefer to wait and watch and take it from there, to wherever, they’ve been absolutely sure of what they wanted. To be partners in every sense of the word, respecting the institution of marriage, and going right ahead, with the blessings of both families. This was six years ago… 

And each new moment, no matter what the quantity, they’ve given it their all and made it worth it, to a point where, when I listen to them speak of how things are and what is happening with them, expanding their horizons, taking up new challenges, with ease and grace, I’m not just amazed, but at times stupefied by the flow of their thoughts, their plans, their comfort being who they are! Most especially, when my son explained how he was thinking of upping his expectations, moving on to a different work place, and the reason he gave while talking to his team members and his superiors… Was this the same rather hot-headed young man I’ve watched grow up, I wondered…. And still I listened, and still the wonder grew that my wee brat had started ‘adulting’ in ways I’m still groping with and trying to figure out. What he said echoed something I read from Trevor Noah, in his book “Born a Crime” – Ash mentioned that he did not want to forgo any other experience and then wonder “What If I’d tried that” – to leave no room for regret for not trying that too! Goodness me, I wondered! And was filled with pride, not because I had in some way helped him to realize that, OH NO!! – but because he had figured it out all by himself (and with his partner, Neeti, of course 😀 ) and more importantly, he managed to articulate it with the comfort of a person who’s been doing this forever! Heck! Dang! Oh Boy!!! Yep! Nothing from me, and he rocks it! As does Neeti, who, dreamer, doer, executor of ideas, and promoter of positive ways to deal with anything life throws at you, who totaaaallllly rocks all de way!!

The regulars here (whaaat? regular? errrr…. 😛 ) know they live in the Land Down Under, and so I must beg your indulgence while I go on show-off-ing some more, by telling you how they have been figuring all this out, digging their heels in, but working out ways and managing all of them ups and downs by themselves, while I wax poetic about them from a gazillion miles away! 

They are 6, together, today and I knew, just this moment, JUST THIS VERY MOMENT, typing these words, this paragraph, that this is the perfect PERFECT song for you two, you two to each other too! 

Happy Anniversary, my dearest darling bachchas, Ash and Neeti, #NeeAsh, as Arjun has coined 😛 

Our prayers, wishes, and all our love for a happening year ahead, when dreams unfurl into the most fragrant blossoms, when plans build themselves into niches where you rest a while, find a new dream… May the light of all your brilliant dreams light the way as you do what you do, one step, one light frisky dance step, a twirl, a pointe, a dervish of desires… however you dance to those dreams, may you hold each one of those dreams, and each other in the spiral of togethernesses, bound by the softest and yet the strongest colours of Love!

I just discovered Zachary Levi, thanks to a friend on Facebook, where I had spoken of how I’m in love with The Marvellous Mrs. Maisel, who shared another song of his (I’ll add it later, just for entertainment 😀 ), and I discover that he’s the Flynn Ryder of “Tangled”! How … apt! Serendipity, nothing less! ❤

 

One more song, and I’ll make an exit, well within 1000 words! Surprise, surprise… and I thought I’d have less than a hundred 😛

I lubb ya both, with all my heart! Waiting to meet you both to give you the biggest hug ever! Mwwaaaaaah!!!!

14 January, 2019 (Again, the first blog post of this year! 🙂 )

Over the years, this blog has celebrated them, in the links given below 🙂 Click on the year and be taken to that year 🙂

2018

2017

2016 

2015

2014

 

 

 


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Five Star

…rating? Place? Whaaat? As always, the rambler here (she always talks of herself first, pliss to note 😛 ) has a round about way of putting things across, as she thinks she’s being entertaining, letting you in on rather unconnected rambling (is there any other kind? 😀 ) and then triumphantly telling you, see, see? This is where we were headed, all along!! Yeah, I know. She’s weird. Wacky too. And now that she’s talking of herself in the third person, she’s fit to be certified too. She is. 😀

It’s a five star day, a five star occasion, and more….for a couple who transcend all this in terms of who they are, their shining selves 🙂 Ahem. Now you’re wondering (actually, you know already, but you’re willing to give this rambler a long long rope to …. anchor you? 😛 ) who these paragons of everything could be? I’ll let you think a while longer,while I go on to telling you some more. (No, not of me, or my meandering intentions! That’s the surest way to lose a reader here 😀 )

Stars. While on the topic of stars, I must tell you of the link I came across, thanks to Rashmee’s share of the same. I love the Orion Constellation (mainly because that’s the only one I can figure out 😀 ) and finding Orion in the headline of that link, was a sure draw… apparently, the Orion Belt is a place where several baby stars are forming, and being sent out 🙂 Such a delightful picture no? So appropriate here too… 🙂 But, yes, as you want to remind me, that’s out there in Space, the Final Frontier (heh heh heh … the insane tripe here simply does not let up, no? I’m having a ball, even though it’s at the expense of the reader… very costly for a blogger, who rarely blogs, and has a small amount of readers, right now, but then, remember? Weird, wacky? 😛 ).

There’s this notion that’s been around in me head, about how there are universes in us, around us (duh) – and we create them too. The breadth of this thought, quite covers everything, as cliched as it is, and any post on it would be verbal diarrhoea, So, I shall restrain myself, for this post is about stars, five stars, and stardust and faery fancies too!

Onward to the darling two, and the Star Rating on them 🙂 Five stars, is the standard, more or less, for the perfection, excellence, quality…. yada yada, ain’t it? We’ve never gone by the levels set by others, have we, as a family? So why this now? Bas, sometimes, there is this worthwhile, nice, round number, five, and stars, to boot, and it fits, the boot and the name, to the occasion, so yeah, let’s, I decided 😀 (Puns galore, Chots!!! 😀 )

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So here goes, the reasons I know you two are ⇑⇑⇑⇑⇑⇑⇑ them stars up there… 🙂

  • For you two, separately, and together, you’re gold, and stars, in our lives, you are! Precious, precious… even though I’m reminded of the dialogue from “The Lion King”, between Pumba and Timon. Timon’s words, actually 😛 😀 *giggling away*
  • For the love you have for us!
  • For the sheer amount of work you do… out there, at least … hehehe! JK 😀
  • For the dreams you hold precious, and work slowly and sure, towards them 🙂
  • For all those times you take care, of us 🙂 Of each other, the bestest way you know!

And most of all, for who you are, to each other, every single moment! Enriching each other,  carrying each other, when needed, on the roads you journey; for the love that shines out from your eyes, your whole selves; for having each other’s backs, for all that you ARE. You are, and that’s all there is to that!

Happy fifth anniversary, Neeti and Ashwin, my baby bachchaas ❤ ❤

You are stardust, precious, magical entities, who wreak love into our lives 🙂 Stay so, just so, always!

And here’s the song dedications to both of you, this time, and I see you singing this to each other 🙂 Part of the list of my favourite songs, both of them 🙂 For my precious Five Star Couple!!!

 

 

This is you two, to each other… ❤ 

 

Love you, endlessly, infinitely, absolutely! Wishes and love from all of your loved ones too!

Over the years, this blog has celebrated them, in the links given below 🙂 Click on the year and be taken to that year 🙂

2017

2016 

2015

2014

14 January, 2018

First post on this blog this year ❤


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Kuttan – Alpha Everything :)

That mewling sound, that morning, at around 8.40 am, will always stay with her. Discovering him, gathering him in her palms, carefully wiping him down, before handing him over to his birth mother, who was trembling in the anxiety of just having had her first baby. The joy, the bewilderment, the miracle itself, unfolding. She and his mother, they both owned that feeling.

His mother then went on to have another six babies over the next four hours. Gently heaving, an experienced mother, by the end of it all. All the while the other mother watched helped, and was the mid-wife. 🙂 The babies were healthy, jostling and suckling her immediately. But that first one, that Alpha Male, he was already earmarked – he’d always be hers, other than his own mother’s, his Amma’s own special brat.

And so it came to be, he stayed with his Amma, and his birth mother Paru, those first three months, after which his mother, Paru, went back to Cpl, her “tharavaad” to her Ammumma (my mother), and he, the Alpha, stayed on, with is Amma, his brothers, and his older sister, Chinnu 🙂 (LINK)

 

The Menagerie*

Paru, his mother, and the seven, Kuttan I like to think is the one, flush up against her, head of the puppy pack!

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12 December, 2017

As I write this, I’m struck by this wave of emotion. A poignant nostalgia, seeing him, lifting his head from where he lies, close by, a quizzical look in his eye, as if to say, Amma, you called?

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The Alpha, my alpha everything, as you know, by this time, is my very own Kuttan. Naughty, mischievous, rambunctious, bordering on aggression, sometimes too often, needing to be cautioned, monitored and occasionally whacked 😀 a bit, he grew up, as kids who are loved deeply and unconditionally do – with supreme confidence in himself, and ready for anything!

Even in the face of dire warnings and well-meaning advice, his Amma never let him go. She never spoiled him, though it seemed like that to his Ammumz! Well, when you’ve got an awesome personality, with an edge of energy, you gotta show it, right? 😛 That’s one question that always bubbled over from his raised (invisible) eyebrow look! He even added a low growl for good effect. You don’t mess with me, was is USP, especially nights. Except his Amma, no one was tolerated within 10 m., once he’d had his dinner, and had settled down on Amma’s bed for the night.

But we’re getting ahead of the story. When his mother, Paru, returned to the ‘tharavaad’, and his siblings all found loving homes, his Amma, despite much advice against it, decided she wasn’t letting his go. He knew that he owned her, from that moment on. He did own her heart, and would do anything for her – including listening to her, to shut the eff up, when he got aggressive with the others – Chinnu, Appu, or even his mom Paru. His Amma said so, so he would. 🙂

As all young boys, he had much energy, kinetic, potential, what you name it, and expended that energy by scaling the compound wall and going off for a walk/run on his own. If he was allowed to wander on his own, in the walled in compound, or if by accident, the gates were left open, he’d be off in a shot, like a bat out of hell, particularly if there were cats in the vicinity. His racial memories had these lores of what enemies cats were, and he couldn’t help but be conditioned by it, and set about cleanly finishing the few he came across, who were no match for his lightning speed! (Wait! he must have wondered, as I do, if he had some feline blood in him to move so fast? Naah! he must have answered to him self too!!! 😛 )

Now comes the twist in the tale, if indeed he was CAT! Because, how does one explain his bonding with the cats at home?! M’mzelle Malu (LINK), Mia, her kitten?! How! That’s a question his Amma, and his family wondered… He never did though, it would seem. They, them cats, were family, weren’t they? DUH! 😛 You always got you family’s back, doncha?! You sure do! Even if they were cats! Because, here’s the thing see – the members of this family are the same – pretty much human, though some of them take the form of a cat, dog, squrrel, or occasionally as has happened, a bird or a bat!

Thus happened, the seemingly impossible. The Mellowing, the Meaowing too, to put it lamely, of The Kuttan! Mia Arrived dramatically, a rescue cat, scrawny, feisty, even though she fit into the palm of my hand when I brought her home, it was clear immediately who was boss! She had to be bottle fed, the first few weeks with me. Kuttan now had a constant companion, too, out on our long drives… Mia was as unfeline, and Kuttan was uncanine 😛 Maybe that’s one of the reasons they got along so well together! Err, did I tell you? Yes, we are a rather hatke family! 😛

Those rides with Kuttan and Mia, in my AK 47 (car, duh!) are legendary! Initially Mia travelled, protesting all the way, in a wee basket, with constant chatter from me to keep her comfy. Kuttan got the back seat, Mia up front, in her basket. In time, Mia began protesting in earnest and therefore was permitted to roam the car- she wasn’t very uncomfortable, but neither was she fully comfortable, though she accepted the rides well enough. She would roam around, plonk herself on my lap, sometimes rest her head on my shoulder, or sit behind my feet, that were on the pedals of the car. Sometimes she’d be at the window, looking out… Closed spaces and cats do not go well together 🙂

Eventually, in the nearly one and half years of to and fro travel, we decided that Mia would stay at my parents’ place since she loved the sprawling compound and open spaces there, and far safer from the stray cats that thronged my own neighbourhood in the city. I must also mention that in the intervening period, she had three kitten, and they were old enough to be on their own – in fact she had practically given my home to her kitten and became an infrequent visitor, when we planned to shift her to my parents, where she was extremely comfortable 🙂

This was nearly three years ago. Kuttan had grown more quiet, mature, and was becoming a model of good behaviour, except for the nights 😛 He and Appu, the males in the family, were constantly at logger heads, and came to actual fights many a time when they were younger, but had grown accustomed to each other, and tolerated each other better, as the years passed. In the meantime, his best friend, Chinnu, had gone ahead to pets paradise, in 2013. It was him,Mia and I, till her kittens came along.

Wiser, older, and yet his Amma’s Kuttan, that’s who he came to be. Each morning as she left for work, he’d see her off, standing by the window, and each evening he’d be up at the balcony, to greet her, with his own signature greeting… An oooooooo, OOOOOOOOO…. following by happy high pitched appealing barking 🙂 His Amma still looks up at the place, each day when she returns, and hears it, even though he remains unseen … Her heart knows , and isn’t that finally what matters?

Early this year, in the third week of February, he developed a breathing problem. He’d gasp, suddenly for breath, when he hadn’t been physically active too. It got his Amma worried enough, and so began a week long trek to the vet, as grew progressively weaker. He needed to be on drips, as he wouldn’t eat, or drink. Thinking it might have been a lung infection, all the tests were done to rule out possibilities, till the final x-ray revealed an enlarged heart which was probably pushing itself on the windpipe. Medicines were started.

Kuttan, as you know by now, wasn’t one to take being held down, or given an injection, with any kind of docility. However that week, he submitted to all the injections, the drips he needed to be given, the poking and prodding, like he’d always been such a paavam! Never a jerk, never a growl, nothing. It does not cease to amaze me, how much he’d changed and accepted that we were trying to help. However, that day, Sunday, 26 February, 2017, at the morning visit to the vet, for his drips, and his injection to reduce the enlarged condition of his heart, the students at the vet hospital, were unable to find a vein easily, on his hind leg, and it hurt him enough to react. So he was muzzled, he got panicky, started to froth, and very quickly, I removed the muzzle, calmed him down, but he lay so still, so so so still on the table, unmoving. Heart in my mouth, I tried cajoling him into responding, shook him, tried to lift him up… The doctors gathered around trying their best too. I was told to just was a few moments, since he was breathing, his heart was beating. I did, and he finally stood up, with help. Slowly he walked to the car with me, and we got home.

He still wasn’t eating. Barely drinking water, but breathing a bit easier. That morning, being tied up with some work, that was another trauma, I left him at home to complete it. He had his water, his medicines, and was resting. It took me a few hours, to get back to him, and he simply came and sat at my feet, when I returned. I remember calling my kids, and we were on a skype group call, when suddenly he came up, sat in front of the laptop for a long time, looking at the screen, where they kept calling his name, and he kept looking at them. (He never does that, I thought. He NEVER does that!) I continued with the chat, as he lay close. We finished, and then came a call from Daddy. As I was talking to him, answering his query about Kuttan, I noticed he was not at my feet, but had gone out.

Stepping outside to check, all I could do was just keep repeatedly calling out his name. He lay on the verandah, his favourite spot, at the edge, his head having fallen gently, lax, peacefrul, to touch the first step down. He’d gone on. He’d left. He’d …. just, gone. The irony of the whole thing was that he had always been the healthiest of the lot we had, hardy, dependable, never ever ill.

Gently, I lifted his head and placed it on my lap, told daddy what had happened, and asked that he arrange for someone to prepare a grave for him there, since I wanted him next to his friends, Appu and previously, Ammini, our first Alsatian, buried there. I called his favourite friend, C, my help, and she came, heartbroken to discover he’d gone. When the taxi arrived, I carried him onto the back seat, cradled his head on my lap, and kept talking to him for the two hours we took to reach my parents’ place. It was almost 9 in the night, by then. We kept Paru inside, till the next morning. But a strange mournful howl, as Kuttan was taken to his final resting place still echoes in my ear, his mother’s goodbye to him perhaps.

He’s in a better place, oh yes, he is! And what is that final goodbye, but just a liminal, I tell myself, knowing that we’d meet again, some other lifetime, after we meet at the Rainbow Bridge, that is 🙂 He’s here, with me, for as they say, those who die, are never gone, not when you carry them in your heart ❤ and see them around you, talk, as often as you can to them.

Yesterday, I watched, for the first time (I know I’ll watch that one more times yet!) “Cloud Atlas”, and was struck by some of the wisdom in the beautiful writing of that script 🙂 Like these, for each of them leads me to believe, I’ve not finished my time with Kuttan!

Our lives are not our own. we are bound to others, past and present

***

This world spins from the same unseen forces that twist our hearts.

***

I believe death is only a door. One closes, and another opens. If I were to imagine heaven, I would imagine a door opening. And he would be waiting for me there.

***

I believe there is another world waiting for us, Sixsmith, a better world. And I’ll be waiting for you there.

I know he and the gang are waiting at the rainbow bridge 🙂 And that he’s happy with them, up there! It’s never goodbye, you know… for you’re always with me, Kutts!

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Kuttan of the pointy ears! 26 December, 2006- 26 February, 2017

25 December, 2017

Labour of love ❤