A Quest on Overdrive … :)

An eccentric rambler on life's lessons and mercies, found and lost… :)


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Diggin’ Life

… I know he is. Where he is, and with the unputdownable, never-say-die attitude that has always been his USP. So, that’s a typical lion for you. My Cub-no-longer-Lion 😀 who’s at another threshold where he’s growing young as ever, though sometimes I do wonder who the parent is, between him and I 🙂 Told ya! There are several psychologists who seem to proclaim that thirty is NOT the new TWENTY, and while all those touching thirty have that urge to reassure themselves that this is just a number, to this one, I have in the family, it just doesn’t matter. 🙂

He’ll always remain who he is, to us, to each of us. Chotu, Kunjunni, Chots…. even to Naina, who calls him Chotu 😛 That’s because parent or no that he is most times, these days, to me, he’ll always be that little, energetic, enthusiastic Kid, to all of us. Of the Fantastic Foursome, (LINK)  he’s the youngest, maybe, by a couple of months to the one just older to him, but we have never let that fool us 😛 He’s an out and out LEO, for goodness’ sake!

When there are two/more Leos in a family, closely connected, sparks fly, tempers are tested, and bit of fur, metaphorically speaking, flies 🙂 That’s how it has been with him and I; strange though, that it has NOT been so, with him and his darling cousin (also a Leo, duh!) – but then you know how it is, exceptions and all that jazz… 😀

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Circa 2016, Achu and Kartika’s Kalyanam Purappaad 😛

(Stopped, perforce, on the morning of 3 August, due to power outage, depleted battery of the inverter, travel plans to Ezhimala, rushing from school to railway station, and lack of connectivity via computer at Ez.; also the company of grandotties don’t leave you time with anything other than being totally into play and joy 😛 Chots I know it’s going to be difficult to get that, but then there it is, my sincere apologies, for not being able to post this earlier 😀 Lubbbb ya, the most, you know that no? Pssst, don’t tell Naina 😛 ❤ ❤ ❤ )

Second Part, on 7 August, 2018 (my own pirannaal – പിറന്നാൾ – my ‘star’ birthday, so it is my gift, to me, as well ❤ )

I woke, a tad late, this morning, it being a holiday, to the music of the rain, the endless rain, and Ammini purring away by my side, gently digging her claws in, to remind me I’m late, with her breakfast 😀 Then my mother calls – Happy Perannaal, she says 😛 Felt good, that 🙂 Only she would remember, I thought 🙂 That’s what moms are all about, na? 

Like this one, who didn’t forget, though her time management skills are all awry, and she simply got late with it! She needs to revise hthe lessons her younger DIL gave her on incentivizing 😀 That loverrrly lass, who’s this Lion’s Keeper, pun entirely intended, gives the best lessons there are!

Back to this one 🙂 The one whose mane is glorious, especially when he needs a haircut, whose sensibilities and sensitivities are sharp, who’s as goofy and idiotic, as he’s mature and proactive 😀 Who knows how it is, with each person he meets, but knows too, how to go about using what he knows, when, and where 😀 That’s a lot of people skills, no? From a shy, overwhelmingly shy baby to one who is so comfortable with any and every kind of people, that is frikking huge, for me, as his rather once-upon-a-time-anxious mom 😀 The anxiety still remains, as it always will for us Indian Moms, but I know it has been tempered with the knowledge that he’s in a good place, and is diggin’ life, like literally and figuratively 😛 That is a private joke, between, Neeti and Chots and I 😀

Across the seas, and lands and latitudes that separate us into different hemispheres, I find we’re even closer than ever, not just because of technology at our fingertips, but because we’ve both grown each other up! I know he’ll always worry about me, as I do, about him and N., but then that’s a given, when you have a heart full of love, for someone, no? And so, this day, my pirannaal – പിറന്നാൾ, and this blog for his birthday/pirannaal – പിറന്നാൾ (interestingly for him, both the days came together on 3 August, his birthday! ) – let me just tell you once more, my wee cub, Chots, just how precious you are ….

We second borns are rather insecure, na? I share that too, with you 🙂 – but you are, Oh, you so are, all of my heart and some ❤ While you may now argue that it cannot be possible, considering the N sisters, 😀 , let me also tell you that hearts grow exponentially when there are more people to love, and love is never taken away from one loved one and given to another, instead, there is more love, all around 🙂 Yeah yeah yeah…  I can go on, I know, and we’ll still giggle when you say, ennaalum, you like Arjun more 😛 No comebacks this time, because I know, how it is, and you do too… ❤

Time and time again, you inspire me, do you know that? I talk of you so much, with so much pride, especially when I have to deal with parents who are lost, as far as their beloved kids are concerned. I speak of how you did almost everything by yourself; of how when you do step out of your comfort zone, and are given the support of loved ones, as you have been, nothing is impossible ❤

You motivate; you make me laugh like no one else can; you make me cry too, like no one else can 😛 (remember the WRV story, early this year? You and N really did move me!) ; and most of all, you make me want to be better, to do my own thing, to go out and just live… you show me, each new day, that it can be done!

Happy birthday, Chots! (no belated and all, it’s still 3 August, till the blog is published 😛 ) Thank you, for you – for the aplomb with which you do things, the badass you are, the chunkzz bro, the daredevil, the eggscelent son, the fun person, the gorgeous hunk, invigorating conversationalist you are, jealous sometimes, yes, but even, Kool Kat as well, Loveable Hobbes (you’re CAT today 😛 ), ‘Mazing Natty Osum Person, Questing, Raring to Storm hitherto strong bastions of ne’er Tried Impossibilities, Undulating never, but steady of purpose, Verrryyyy Wallabbbyyyy baby cuteness overloaded, Xtremely Youthful and Zany…. ever! The alphabets, as you can see have worn themselves out, for you, wishing you the very best! Nearly 1400 words of fun, I hope this has been!

I know your year is going to be the best yet! Stay awed by life and love, my darling Chots! I love you.

 

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With his mostest favourite person, I know ❤ N. Ammai ❤

 

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Circa 1991, my fav. pic of them brothers 🙂

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Circa 1993? The mischief grows!!

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Achante Kunjunni, Circa 1988, Delhi

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Cute-Gwumpiness Overload, Circa 1988

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That Fantastic Foursome!

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Nehru Park, that regular visit, with Chitta – My fav. pic of the fantastic foursome!

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Brothers, in all the ways there are.

 

Birthday Tradition Blog for the Second Born, Ashwin, for 3 August, 2018, is up, LATE, for the First Time. The Only Time, is my promise to myself. However, at the same time, I must say that some things just are so, for this, now is my gift to myself, and for him too ❤ That’s just how it is, sometimes ❤

2 August, 3 August, 7 August, 2018, for 3 August, 2018 😛

A few footnotes:

This one from here in 2012, and damn, that is what, 6 years back?! Woah. I am rather proud of myself, and will not hesitate to say it, today, for me 😛

Right, before I go ga ga all over again, over my Lion Cub, I do want to share those “traditions” :D. It started in 2009, with“The Right Age”, the went on to “For My Little One” (incidentally he’s a few millimetres short of being 6 ft tall 😀 😀 ), to when he flew the coop, in “When Nestlings Fly”, and Metamorphosis and settled in with “Pride”  in 2010 and 2011, last year. And here is where he tells me it’s no fun doing something unless your mom says NO. So it is 3 August again, and, as my kids in school say, “his happy birthday”! 😆

Earlier (and later )Blog Tradition blogs for Ashwin, each year, are here 🙂

2009

2010

2011

2012

2013

2014

2015

2016

2017

 

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Five Star

…rating? Place? Whaaat? As always, the rambler here (she always talks of herself first, pliss to note 😛 ) has a round about way of putting things across, as she thinks she’s being entertaining, letting you in on rather unconnected rambling (is there any other kind? 😀 ) and then triumphantly telling you, see, see? This is where we were headed, all along!! Yeah, I know. She’s weird. Wacky too. And now that she’s talking of herself in the third person, she’s fit to be certified too. She is. 😀

It’s a five star day, a five star occasion, and more….for a couple who transcend all this in terms of who they are, their shining selves 🙂 Ahem. Now you’re wondering (actually, you know already, but you’re willing to give this rambler a long long rope to …. anchor you? 😛 ) who these paragons of everything could be? I’ll let you think a while longer,while I go on to telling you some more. (No, not of me, or my meandering intentions! That’s the surest way to lose a reader here 😀 )

Stars. While on the topic of stars, I must tell you of the link I came across, thanks to Rashmee’s share of the same. I love the Orion Constellation (mainly because that’s the only one I can figure out 😀 ) and finding Orion in the headline of that link, was a sure draw… apparently, the Orion Belt is a place where several baby stars are forming, and being sent out 🙂 Such a delightful picture no? So appropriate here too… 🙂 But, yes, as you want to remind me, that’s out there in Space, the Final Frontier (heh heh heh … the insane tripe here simply does not let up, no? I’m having a ball, even though it’s at the expense of the reader… very costly for a blogger, who rarely blogs, and has a small amount of readers, right now, but then, remember? Weird, wacky? 😛 ).

There’s this notion that’s been around in me head, about how there are universes in us, around us (duh) – and we create them too. The breadth of this thought, quite covers everything, as cliched as it is, and any post on it would be verbal diarrhoea, So, I shall restrain myself, for this post is about stars, five stars, and stardust and faery fancies too!

Onward to the darling two, and the Star Rating on them 🙂 Five stars, is the standard, more or less, for the perfection, excellence, quality…. yada yada, ain’t it? We’ve never gone by the levels set by others, have we, as a family? So why this now? Bas, sometimes, there is this worthwhile, nice, round number, five, and stars, to boot, and it fits, the boot and the name, to the occasion, so yeah, let’s, I decided 😀 (Puns galore, Chots!!! 😀 )

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So here goes, the reasons I know you two are ⇑⇑⇑⇑⇑⇑⇑ them stars up there… 🙂

  • For you two, separately, and together, you’re gold, and stars, in our lives, you are! Precious, precious… even though I’m reminded of the dialogue from “The Lion King”, between Pumba and Timon. Timon’s words, actually 😛 😀 *giggling away*
  • For the love you have for us!
  • For the sheer amount of work you do… out there, at least … hehehe! JK 😀
  • For the dreams you hold precious, and work slowly and sure, towards them 🙂
  • For all those times you take care, of us 🙂 Of each other, the bestest way you know!

And most of all, for who you are, to each other, every single moment! Enriching each other,  carrying each other, when needed, on the roads you journey; for the love that shines out from your eyes, your whole selves; for having each other’s backs, for all that you ARE. You are, and that’s all there is to that!

Happy fifth anniversary, Neeti and Ashwin, my baby bachchaas ❤ ❤

You are stardust, precious, magical entities, who wreak love into our lives 🙂 Stay so, just so, always!

And here’s the song dedications to both of you, this time, and I see you singing this to each other 🙂 Part of the list of my favourite songs, both of them 🙂 For my precious Five Star Couple!!!

 

 

This is you two, to each other… ❤ 

 

Love you, endlessly, infinitely, absolutely! Wishes and love from all of your loved ones too!

Over the years, this blog has celebrated them, in the links given below 🙂 Click on the year and be taken to that year 🙂

2017

2016 

2015

2014

14 January, 2018

First post on this blog this year ❤


5 Comments

Quad, Building the Core

… is geeky enough for you to be worried about the mental state of the said rambler author of this blog. She’s still got her marbles, thank you 😛 But she’s been doing some research. (Psst she got a new phone too, courtesy her first born 😛 )

Smarphones these days just keep upping the level – single core to dual, now quad, and octa too, one hears! (And yes, I AM geeky enough, just enough to want to know stuff, to understand, and I endlessly tire those willing to help the curious child within 😛 ) Just writing all this, I fully realize, is going to make many a reader snort, snigger, giggle and be open-mouthed in wonder at the audacity of an English teacher to take on such a topic. Quad core? Seriously? (Yep! I heard that!!)

So I’ll give you some time. Go on. Smile. Giggle. 😛 But ah! You’re the newbie here then. Welcome, welcome to the world of weird, and warmth. 🙂 The regulars here, on the other hand, know how it is here. Words are the adventurers. The trail be this blog, and the muse, in this case are my younger set of kids 🙂 But let’s not jump the gun. The rambler got more rambling to do 🙂

Quad. Four. Quattro, quattor, quatre, Tessera, (Tesseract, the Avengers, how that takes me off on welcome wings of filmy fantasy! Whaaatttt? I need to get back? Yes, yes… So where was I?  We’re 240 words and we have no idea where we are at no? 😛 )

Four. They’ve touched four, in every language there is. But most importantly they’ve hit that four with the language of love, letting us in on that journey, be inspired, motivated, loved, loving them all the more. Who…dear me! I get ahead of myself. 😛 Who? What? Four? I can hear you mumbling, grumbling, and ready to close this tab. Wait, do, wait, please..:)  un momento 😛

Ashwin and his lovely partner (I heard that! in crime, you say? Hawwww!!! ) Neeti, my son, my daughter (in law) celebrate their 4th anniversary, this day, 14 January 🙂 Four. Yep. You got that right mate! Fire, in Danish! Fire, oh wow! (Yes, I did google it 😛 )

And so, we come to the Tradition of celebration on this blog, after the meandering through sheer unadulterated nonsense that is the USP of the blog, blogger, rambler… 😀

Glad Firearsdagen! (To say it the Danish way. (Fire, four in Danish, has gotten me!) )
That means, Happy Fourth Anniversary, dear Ashwin and Neeti!

May the fire of your love continue to burn bright, showing you the way onward in your journey of togetherness. May that fire be a shining torch to others , who take succor from your love, and grace their lives with the beauty of the love you share! May that fire never singe, but always warm your hearth and home, heart and soul. May it be the one thing that will sustain and ever keep you within its circle – for FIRE is the purest of the elements! It purifies like nothing else can! Your bonding was sealed with a sacred fire divine, and on this Fire-th anniversary, may that have grown, with a promise of more love, laughter and endless moments of fun and frolic!

God Bless, my dearest dearest darling Neeti and Ashwin 🙂 You de rockstars! May the Yin and Yang that is you continue to flourish in the interconnectedness of life with all the Love you can muster.

Love you so, dear bachaas 🙂

I’ll always  imagine you singing this to each other 🙂

13 January, 2017

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Happy Anniversary, Neeti and Ashwin 🙂 

for 14 January, 2017

 

Blog Tradition for them, on their anniversary, over the years:

2016 

2015

2014


4 Comments

A Flood

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She gurgles.

Her laughter
Tumbles into my

Heart.

And that
Sudden
Sudden
Sudden

Rush of Love
Floods the most
inaccessible nook and cranny
Of my aching soul.

Sweet, innocent
Laughter.
Of a beloved

Grandottie.

The panacea
I can never
Get enough of.

21 December, 2016

This is whachumacll a #pickmeupwrite 🙂 


10 Comments

The Thorough Gentleman

Alert: Almost 2400 words, so. 🙂

As chauvinistic as the title may seem, this is about someone who was anything but. Chauvinistic, I mean. (though of course, it will be another thesis here, as to why the title could be considered chauvinistic- but, no, this rambler is determined to be on track here!)

As a lad, as all young children do, really, he had to markings, forewarnings as it were, as to his greatness in the “gentlemanly” role he was to play. He was, like all boisterous boys, sprightly, lanky, thin, to the point of being a despair to his mom, and, as all mischievous kids do, loved to eat mud, scrape the wall paint off, that too, with his teeth! You’d never guess, too, that he was adopted. He was more family, than the other kids 🙂 – loved, cherished, adored, by others who knew him as well.

As the other kids before him, he was at once goofy, yet he bore a regal bearing, a steady stance, all done in by that goofy grin, so integral to who he was!

That’s Appu, our Appu.

The pictures, clockwise 🙂
From Top left: That was when Ashwin held a stone just above his mobile camera 🙂 Look at his concentration.; Appu in the Kulam, and look at the frisbee 🙂 ; The Gentlemanly pose, undermined by that stone in his mouth 🙂 ; I told you “mine mine mine mine” – all four of them, at Biscuit time 🙂 That would be Kuttan at the far end, then his momma, Paru, then the Black Beauty, Chinnu, and then Appu, with their Amma 🙂 ; And then there is his concentration on that dratted stone again 🙂 🙂 

He came home to us, in 2005, in the month of May, after we bid final goodbye to our other Alsatian, a gentle girl,  elfin, charming, wonderful soul, Ammini (LINK) As mentioned in that blog for her, she had a sort of OCD – she needed to ALWAYS have ball, a Frisbee, a something with her, as a pacifier, of sorts. Serendipity, maybe (yes, I am in Love with that word, to a point of being in relationship with it 😀 ) but Appu had the same, the very SAME trait, except that he would chew on it, and it extended to things like a chewed off stick, a stone, misshapen pieces of things. The fierce concentration on his face while you held the object to throw to him was a sight to behold.

I remember our first meeting, bringing him home from that kennel, settling him in. Memories rush in with these words. It had been barely a month or so, since Ammini had gone to Pets Paradise, and my mother was still recovering from that loss. She wanted to care for another again, and suggested a “boy” this time, feeling he would be less susceptible to ailments that came to the girls, as Ammini had had a cardiac arrest at 6 years, something related to her gender. However, mummy couldn’t have been more far from the truth.

Appu, the moment I laid eyes on him, that dusky evening in that kennel, I knew he was coming home to stay. Scrawny, all arms and legs, tall for his age, he stayed at the far end of his pen and looked on with liquid eyes. It seemed to me at that point, he needed much love and care, for there was an air of neglect about him, and the poignant feeling from more than 11 years ago to that day, still haunts. We lost no time in grabbing him, Ashwin and I, and taking him home, almost immediately. The change in him was almost instant, like he recognized long lost family, which I’m sure is what happened. At home, in an instant, he was all over place, even making advances on our 2 year old beauty, our darling Chinnu, who suddenly became coy and sprightly, for him 😛 (LINK) The rest is history, cliché though it be, for us. Not him, the story 🙂 You shall not be spared the history, of course 🙂

He grew, flourished, and seemed in so many ways, like our precious Ammini, not as gregarious perhaps in the initial days, having a more pedantic penchant for the pensive. Poetic, ain’t that! He’d be most animated when taken for a walk (which dog isn’t!!!) or maybe throw him his ball, Frisbee, or a stone, something, anything, or maybe to take a dip in the pond 🙂 along with Chinnu. A couple of weeks, the first two with us, he spent at my home, and then to his permanent home we went, my parents’ – where he was undisputed Lord of all he surveyed for the next almost 12 years. He, like all our kids, loved to travel, and along with Chinnu they made a great team. But wait.

When he was almost a year old, Paru joined the gang. 250781_4104330176467_1960399793_n  She must have been maybe 2 or 3 months, and was abandoned outside my parents’ home. A “nadan”, nondescript, except to us she was endowed with much grace, beauty and downright friskiness, and song, oh my!! What song!! 🙂 With great trepidation, I brought her home, wondering just how long it would take a hulking 1 year old Alsatian to snap her neck. The damnedest thing happened. He merely sniffed her thoroughly, checked her out, and then she followed him, EVER AFTER. She’d sleep, that impossible tiny bundle, between his paws, be ALL over him, playing, nipping at him, and they’ve remained best friends right through. That was in 2006. So our family grew, the kids were now 3 – my Chinnu, Appu and Paru. Officially, Appu and Paru “belonged” to my parents, but really, they are ALL mine. (remember those gulls in “Finding Nemo”?)

At the end of 2006, 26 December, the 2nd anniversary of the deadly tsunami that struck the east coast, in India, there was a minor tsunami of pups in my home. Paru’s. Seven to be precise. I’m quite positive that Appu was the dad, though we’ve not been able to really confirm, since most of the pups took after their mother, especially the fur and tails 😀 However heartbreaking it was, I had to give away her babies, once they had been weaned, except her alpha male, Kuttan who is still with me 🙂 He’s my baby more than he could ever be hers. So, the family grew again, two at my place, Chinnu and Kuttan, Appu and Paru, at theirs. The girls by now had been spayed to avoid further mishaps 😛

Appu, right through it, was pretty good with the kids when they were young, which is probably why I consider him their dad. However, with Kuttan, there has always been an ego clash of sorts. Like Ashwin once said, he’s like that kid who found out pretty late that his dad had not done right by his mother, so he carries that anger in him! Cripes! Yep, you guessed right. We, as a whole, attribute extremely human reasoning even to them. Heck! We’re right too, always. Told ya, we are one heck of a family! What I’m getting at is, growing up together, the almost 2 years older dad, and his (Alleged) son, Kuttan, always led to confrontations, testosterone displays, and there’d always be a need for referees, not to mention active, get-into-the-fight-and-separate-them occasions. Appu was far more powerful, and Kuttan was no less tenacious. Dynamite, on a short fuse, that was the situation till recently, ever since Kuttan sobered down, and “grew up” 🙂 Appu, all through, except in these confrontations, was the thorough gentleman, with the ladies, with us, with visitors, with anyone, except some stranger, who he discriminated, strangely enough!

When he was about 6 years old he developed the usual skin problems that affect his breed, as they are not really suited to the humid environs of Kerala. Since then, he had been a constant visitor at the Vet Hospital, attached to the Uni here. He’d improve well, then a few months later, it being a fungal condition and subject to weather changes, he would be afflicted again. My mother diligently, and with such devotion nursed him through it all. His hair would be all over the place; the ear infection, a consequence of the skin problem, which would aggravate with alarming regularity, despite the best medical attention, auroscopy, regular cleaning, that would have a discharge and foul smell sometimes were taken in our stride, and he was never banished from the house. He owned it, and us, no matter how he was. Once I remember the panic call mummy made, early morning. It was about his ear bleeding. They live about an hour and half away, but they got here quick and we got him to hospital to discover that is was a maggot infestation, in his ear, and that is why he bled so much. The process of getting him better was a constant, but he held up so well, with such composure and a stoic demeanour all through. He would have associated the hospital with much pain, but there was never any hesitation in going there, though it was always a tough time, holding him down. According to the intensity of attention required, he needed to be sedated, on occasion. Imagine your ear being subject to the kind of cleaning it needed. I must, at this point, commend the doctors and students at the hospital for their vocation, their dedication and their unconditional help, on all the occasions we’ve been there. Exemplary, they were.

The infection took its toll on him. Though he remained cheerful, playful, and ever ready to fetch, his legs began to give way, and he had another major maggot infestation, this time on the left side near his ribs. He was given an anti-parasitic which almost paralyzed him, and yet again, we rushed to the Vet hospital with him. It is nothing short of a miracle, his recovery. It took him nearly two days, to walk again, but he did, and this too, had passed for him. That time, we even considered euthanizing him in case he was going to be paralyzed. It was heartbreaking to see him so still. So he flourished. That was nearly two years ago.

This year, from over two months ago, the old ear infection reared its ugly head, this time robbing him of his hearing. He responded to signals, so beautifully, so beautifully that one wondered why he needed the danged sounds at all. But he was weaker, the skin condition far worse, despite the best kind of care, brushing, medication, bathing, anything mummy could do. Till that day on 30 October, 2016. The three days prior to it, he along with Paru and Kuttan were being cared for by my parents’ help, who loved these kids as we do, as we had to attend my niece’s wedding. The call came, on the evening of the wedding, that he, yet again, had a severe wound on his leg. Maggots. Couldn’t get up. Can’t hear.

It was time for the decision. All the more since my mother was also suffering along with him. We were, all of us, watching him hurt, shake his head, fumble while walking, and all the while, ALL the while, holding a stone in his mouth, or maybe a scrap of his Frisbee, or a stick, something. OCD, remember? Just like Ammini.

So we decided. We’d help him onwards to be with Chinnu, who’d been gone three years already, to be with Ammini, gone 11 years, and Malu, and Kunji, our cats… It was time for him, and we’d help him. So with the medicine provided by a vet my brother knew, my mother and I went on, as no one else could. A Sunday. No vet. Appu had to be patted awake, for he did not hear the wild, ecstatic barking of the mother-son duo greeting us.

All the way down, there was this lump that grew and grew, choking all sense except the focus on purpose. So once he was patted, petted, fed, along with the other, who were sent into the house, we lay him down near his favourite spot in the front compound. He lay, quiet, but sensing something, so my mother had to hold his head, and our help his feet. I administered the injection. I could not let anyone else take that away from me. Even though, forevermore, I would remember; I do wonder at the strength, that comes with its attendant guilt, on how I could play God. Did I do the right thing? I’ve asked myself and still do, with a regularity, as involuntary as breathing, but yes, I’ve finally learned the answer does not matter. What matters is that he found a way out of his pain. In the few seconds it took for him to sleep.

I lay beside him, Lay my head on his side, only to be fascinated by his heartbeat. How it grew, then softened, whisper soft, till he was at peace. A few seconds. But those beats will stay with me, till mine go with his. That much I know.

When Chinnu went onwards on angel wings to Pets Paradise, I could write, almost in a day, for her. With Appu the dam was firm and strong, welling up with more words each day, each heavier, laden with a million memories, delightful ones, each of them, till that last beat of his heart, whisper-soft and tear-drop heavy. Yesterday, it was a month, and it hit me, then. Suddenly, there he was, as he always is, in my sleep, his heart-beat is the rhythm that rocks me to sleep or drums me awake sometimes. This time he was there, so clear, in front, asking for his stone to be picked up and thrown.

Appu. I heard myself. And he wagged his tail, liquid eyes up, then fiercely down, on that stone, that I picked up and threw, with him bounding after… Away, away, happy puppy that he was deep down inside.

Appu. You understand, I know. You’re happy, I know. I won’t say sorry, my Appoosseee. Not now, not anymore. I can’t, can I? Not when you’re in peace, and not when you’ve lived such a loving and happy life, and given us so so so much of love and joy! I know we’ll meet up at the Rainbow Bridge, and in another lifetime.

We’re family. We’ll always be. You’ll always be mine ❤

Appu, The Thorough Gentleman
(January 2005 to 30 October 2016)

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***

This, from my Meggie, made it much easier.

poem-for-appu

Sigh. It did make things better

1 December, 2016