A Quest on Overdrive … :)

An eccentric rambler on life's lessons and mercies, found and lost… :)

Live

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… don’t give up. Not so easily. Not when, no matter what, there is so much to do; to know; to experience; to do more than just exist. Live.

I suppose, sitting here, and thinking about it, being very grounded in my own upbringing, it is easy for me to say that. No matter what the knocks life has dealt, I’ve cushioned them with much grit, and plain survival instincts. Not all would have that grounding; or that instinct I suppose.

Today, September 10 is World Suicide Prevention day. Last night I received the update from Write Tribe about this, and a request to do a post on it, or simply create awareness (link). This here is my contribution, because this is something that has touched me.

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Just yesterday, in school, during the lunch break, we heard the news of a young girl of Class XII, in one of our sister schools, who committed suicide over the weekend. The details surrounding it are not clear, but what came out, was that her father was rather strict, and had been harsh with her regarding something; probably her studies. (Term Exams are going on right now). The news, the parents being distraught, and the loss, all of it is heart-rending. As also is the fact that it could have been so avoidable.

It also brought to mind my youngest Uncle; a sunnier, more mischievous soul I don’t have among my Uncles; the cheerleader almost in the lot of Uncles I have, took his own life, inexplicably, over a year ago. He had laughingly threatened to do so, and even kept repeating it. He refused any help; refused to tell us where he was; and suddenly, out of the blue the news came.

The tortured thoughts; the absolute nadir of self-belief; the way he/she thinks at that point in time: how can one anticipate it? When one is given signals; or ‘feelings’ or notices the air of introversion, lack of cohesive behaviour, the gloom and the quietude, that should be indication enough. But who, apart from those closest, would even notice? In our busy schedules of daily drama, daily mind numbing routine, and endlessly looping routine, when would we? But we must. We must.

Last year, towards the end of the year, or was it early this year, my elder son was almost witness to a very traumatic incident when a young cadet shot himself; my son, being on Duty that day (a Sunday morning), was the one to reach him first. That self same lad, also on Duty, had, only minutes before been on his phone, had interacted with my son… The trauma reached out to all of us; and almost just as much for my son, as it had to his family, even though he’s in the Services. The utter and senseless loss – there is never a reason we can find for it.

Prevention. From my cosy room here, I could probably hand out tips. Having never had to think about it, even though there may have been occasion, at times, puts me at a disadvantage. What I’d like to share is just my perception, not any empirical statistics or data that I refer too.

Raise children with love. With moral strength. Easier said than done, definitely. And it takes both parents, and the extended family to be consistent.

Know your children. Your partner. Your friends.  Know signs that all may not be well.

Help them to understand the word NO. (Understand it yourself too) Most times we say it too much. Or not at all. And, at the first NO later in life, it becomes too heavy a burden to acknowledge.

Do not put aside niggling doubts; feelings of unworthiness; unreasonable sadness; mood swings. These could be related in some way to the urge, which then takes only one spontaneous single senseless moment of execution.

Talk. Talk. Talk. If you’re depressed. Or if you notice someone’s under-weather.

Empathy. Find it. Show it.

Get help, for yourself, or for someone who you think needs it. There is NO shame in doing it.

There was a time when I thought that a suicide is a coward’s way. I still do, sometimes, but it’s also a path taken by someone who is sick, unwell, as in having a condition.

And, no matter what happens, you have YOU. That’s the best thing you have to work with.

Spread the word. Observe, and be that person who notices, cares. And the one who’s strong enough to know weakness, and ask for help. That is when you’re the strongest, most times.

You MUST read this blog post. Quiet courage there. (link)

The blog post at Write Tribe, which has inspired this write, has several links, for awareness and prevention.

10 September, 2013

The picture is the banner shared on the Write Tribe post.

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Author: Usha Pisharody

A rambler, pretends to be a teacher, loves to dream, and go on Quixotic Quests in the Realm of Romance With Life...

14 thoughts on “Live

  1. Talk. Talk. Talk and Love. Love. Love. Be there for your dear and near and far ones!

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  2. Each person should have support systems that are largely independent of each other: family, personal friends, school/college friends, workplace friends. All these should give non-judgmental support.
    This is possible if each person tries to be a non-judgmental, supportive friend to all those around him/her. To quote Zig Ziglar:
    “If you go looking for a friend, you’re going to find they’re very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere.”

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    • Being non-judgemental; scaffolding; a supportive network. And being a friend, so that you’ll find them everywhere; that too, has to be the way forward. Be the help you want too! Thank you Proactive Indian!

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  3. So beautifully put, talk talk and love love. The lack of communications often lead to someone committing the act. Parents need to be more understanding of their children and we need to listen et observe the signs.its sad how someone was speaking to us and next, the person dies.

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  4. A thoughtful write. I can recall a number of occasions when the thought crossed the mind and my friends came to my rescue. You have been one of them, always supporting. Thank you for everything.

    I do agree, it is only talking, caring and sharing which can curb the urge to take the extreme step.

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  5. Many times people say “if only he/she would have told me his/her problem instead of taking this step”, but the fact is if a person is able to communicate his/her problem, then the suicide wouldn’t happen at all ! It is us who have to reach out and try to read the unspoken words. Listening and empathizing without being judgmental is what helps best.

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    • Seena, welcome to this blog. You’re absolutely right on the fact that the onus is upon those who are witness to the person who might have had reason to contemplate suicide. It’s easy for us to say they have to talk, but are we? Very pertinent point you have highlighted. Along with the fact that empathy and a non judgmental attitude is what is really needed to help. Thankyou so much for our inputs too.

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  6. Were you not able to read the signs?
    or at least read between the lines;
    If you are unable to bring the anguish from the deepest confines
    be at least the straw that the drowning mind finds.

    Are we too busy to notice something wrong with the loved one or are we afraid to get into the emotional tangle by reaching out to a troubled mind. Though they are done in the spur of the moment, the contemplation starts early…. if only we are able to notice …..or to care.

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  7. I believe it varies from person to person, the reason due to which they commit suicide. Some are depressed, some have felt failure too hard, for some it is a feeling of stagnation.. There could be endless more.. In cases of some, the signs are obvious and some are so subtle that you miss it..

    It is a largely grey area. And more than anything else, I feel for the person who took their lives, with the wonder of all they had to bear , and feel that such a thing would seem a relief

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    • That’s a very poignant perspective, when one looks at the amount of trauma the person had undergone; the intensity is a very personal thing, always; what might work for one would not, for another. It most certainly is a grey area, and never can be just black and white, for that is the nature of personal perspective. Thanks Hrishikesh.

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