No, this is not a class in figures of speech or in literary devices that are geared to throw one off, sometimes make one wish that one could throw oneself off a high precipice [believe me, I know, especially when expressions in class reveal the inner turmoil of having to work with onomatopoeia or hyperbole or just a bit of imagery, LOL!] No, this is an eggstrordinary conversation that took place in my mother’s kitchen a day ago Mom, my younger brother [YB, henceforth, and thank you Indyeah, for giving guidelines on nomenclature ], my younger son [YS !] and me.
Well the upshot of it was that all of us were cooks, and the creation that day, was an instant pizza, with potato chips as the base. OK, Ok, I know you know, but well, it’s the first time I’m trying to incorporate a recipe with a pun, so you will excuse me, if indeed I do get on your nerves, both with a silly recipe, and a sillier conversation to boot. Now we did not throw or kick the pizza [yes, you heard right, and read right, I hope, the first time !] out, we actually ate it!
The fine creator of this masterpiece is actually my YB’s wife, my YSIL. [Self explanatory is it not?]. So we began. On a non stick frying pan, flat bottomed, lay out about 150 grams [heck, take a packet of it, and no, don't waste a Lays chip even...!]. With the palm of your hand gently crush the chips flat, so that it forms the base, coarsely broken. Over this now, you have to pour a mixture of two eggs, beaten with a bit of salt and pepper [according to how you like it], evenly so that it spreads out over the broken chips. Arrange slices of capsicum, tomatoes, onion, or any other veg. or non veg. topping. A dash of salt and pepper, and some red chilli sauce, or green chilli sauce [according to your preference of taste], and then comes the best part. Grating the cheese.
YB instructing YS on how to do it:
YS, earnestly trying to get the chunks of cold cheddar cheese, Amul, to be precise, grated onto a plate, was suddenly ahoy’ed’ by YB.
YB: Yesterday when I made it [mom looks up, as says, You made it?], or rather when I helped, I grated the cheese. I’m quite a pro at it. Not like this into the plate, it’s difficult getting it off from there and onto the pizza.
YS: [he adores my YB] Ok, so …?
YB: You grate it directly onto the pizza base. Like this. [He held up the grater, at an incline, and grated the cheese, so that the shreds of cheese fell easily onto the base, and he kept moving the grater, so that it spread evenly too!]
YS: Got it. Like this? [Tries, manfully to grapple and imitate, and succeeds partly!]
YB: Yesterday I was grater! [muffled giggle. I mean, men giggle, and rumble, you know? lol!]
YS: Today I am grater. [Not willing to let his hero outshine at the moment]
Me: That is great!
YB: I am. I told you just now!
YS: Yeah. Like I am now.
The cheese, in this melee of self aggrandizement of egos, has started to spread outside the frying pan too.
Me: The greatness spreads! Imagine that!
YB: That is what comes of teaching greatness! Grate! [to the YS, who is slowly but surely shaking and dissolving into giggles of his own!]
YS: I am grate!
Actually, at this point, we all kind of lost it, and fairly doubled up; not because of the wit, but how spontaneously we were able to ad-lib the whole thing. After a few moments, the great, ooops, grating was complete, a dash of sauce again, and it was put on the gas, on low flame, for it to get set.
It takes approx. 15 to 20 minutes for the pizza to get done. The base becomes crisp and the cheese has to melt and coat the surface. And then you can be sure it’s done.
We tipped it out gently onto a plate, took it out to the veranda, outside the kitchen [my parents have this old ancestral house, very well maintained, and it has these verandas, on almost three sides of the house. The one outside of the kitchen on the northern side is the most loved:)].
Since this is supposed to be eaten hot, I began to cut it into slices. It looked yummy, so the YB told the YS to quickly take a picture. By that time my Elder SIL was on the phone to him, from Mumbai, and she was telling him that it cannot, NOT, be called a pizza, it’s just a glorified omelette. LOL. You should have seen how offended he was So he asked for a picture to be taken, which was; only it had a slice missing, that someone was busy chewing into ! Anyways, to cut the pizza story short [there was nothing left in a few minutes, actually], this is what finally could be seen of it
Talk of cheesy stuff. It can’t get grater than this. !
22 February, 2009