Tag Archives: Pain

An Acknowledgement

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An unnamed despair
Gnaws my insides.
Desolate and alone-
Suddenly.

Unknowing, yet
Unceasing is the
Numbness.

A thick haze of
Self-piteous vapours
Fogs my consciousness;
And all I want
Is to seek
The darkest corner
Of Isolation.

Numb.

Yet I must acknowledge
That when this ice cracks
And I shall be
Chilled to the bone
In pain,
I shall be glad.

At least then
I would feel
And, once again,

Be Human.

Usha, 16 February, ’08

What If…

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If that moment had been
Delayed, by just that
Infinitesimal second;
I know, I would have seen you.

If that plea had been
Received, just that bit
More openly, all that unspoken
Pain, and questions…

You know, I would have been
A better human.

If my hand had reached out
And held on to yours-
Perhaps you’d have regained
Your footing; and then, for sure
I know, we’d have been blessed.

Sadly, all I can say now is-

What If…

Usha, 7 Febraury, ’08

Moment lost forever…

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A little girl stood
beside her
Arms outstretched.
Demanding, commanding
Carry me.

She looked down
from the curtains
she was pinning.
Not now dear. Busy, you see?

The moment passed.
The little girl stepped back.
Forever. It was one too many times.
Not again, ever, would she ask.

And she. Waiting to finish,
to pick her up and cuddle.
Impatient, finding her, at last –
In the tree house,
busy with her family.

She. Arms outstretched
eyes pleading in apology.

Not now, Mama. Busy, you see??

Usha, 30 April, ‘07

Billet doux

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In a world which
deems it right
that each one maintain oneself-

I am hopelessly yours.

This affliction;
this deep sense of inevitability;
this joy and pain: contradicting and combining..

This totality in giving myself
This….

This they call my insensibility.

Reason, logic, sense of rightness or wrong
fade out in an aura
of an intense purposefulness
to be yours.

For my mind and soul, that I cannot posses
For my body: the only thing I posses-

I give you myself.

My relentless love impales any querulous cautioning
of my mind.

I am
Insensibly

Yours…..


Usha, 30 June, ’83

Billet doux [French] : Love Letter:)

My Roman Holiday!

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Quite by accident
I stepped out of
my straitjacket…

And astounded
myself at
my temerity.

Incognito.
A translucent
cloak for its
misty aura,

I surrender myself
with a gypsy’s heart
to collect a wealth
of memories
to hoard away!


And all the while
I know-
I’ll have to
step back.

The straitjacket’s
waiting.

So it cannot
last.
Of course.

Like a leaf
from a book
I’ll never write…

My Roman Holiday.

Usha , 19 April, ’07

*********************
Inspired by the film, “Roman Holiday”, starring Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck:)

Sorrow

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Only sorrow makes you whole
Endless joy, in surfeit
Weighs you down in breathless gasps
Or puts you on a hurdy-gurdy
of emotions , throwing you
inside out
in sheer reckless joy,
your inhibitions thrown to the winds
your defences down..
your vulnerability glaring…

Then sorrow strikes -
In One chilling moment,
dunked, as if in ice-cold water
Your armour is back.
Painful, digging at the
softest corner of your heart
Yet you feel whole…

All the pieces where they should be
Cold, yet strong.
Despairing, yet determined.
It’s a thin line between
sorrow and joy.

But you’re far better off
making sure you know sorrow
because
she takes care of you
she puts you together..
That’s why you feel so..

I know…
Because only sorrow makes
you feel
Joy!

Usha, 18 Oct., ’03

Untitled

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Hanging on the edge of time
by a sliver of a thought.
An impossible dream.

Daring myself to plunge ahead
There am I poised.

And I step forward…

Through the icy blasts
of wordless reprimands
of guilt and remorse
of pain , tears
and shock-

I find the light
at the end of the tunnel.

Passion’s price paid
I stand now-
Resolute, content,
Peaceful and strong.

In life and love-
Bound by a circle of
Love
Only love.

2003