Disclaimer : All the research for this post is certainly non emperical, and based purely on personal observation and bias. Lol. Given that, please go on and read at your own risk. There is a sort of guarantee that you might fall asleep half way (being a rather looong ramble) so please have a cushion ready at the keyboard, where you are likely to topple as you gently fall forward, eyes glazed over. Now that is out of the way, do please continue
Tag time again, and this one is a special one, for a special person, on a special occasion. The second born of course, after the first one got his place in the virtual sun, here and here IHM [again ] had tagged me on how different the second born has been, and has he wiped the smugness off his parents’ faces ! Going back to her post, to revise and review, I came across my comment, part of which I’d like to quote, as a sort of introduction, to me too, a second born, the middle one of three, the ham of the sandwich, as I am so fond of saying!
Aeons ago I had this to write on IHM’s post:
Now that I know, and have been tagged , this is going to be interesting! I am a second born, and I am going to write about how my second born is so very much like me ! A stirrer and shake-up-er! Certainly wiped the smug proud parent look off the parents’ faces !
I know that IHM, Shail, recently, and others, Indygurl and Solilo have all done one or other version of the tag, both before and after IHM’s post, and each of them have been beautifully done. Being a second born myself, I have felt the heat, felt different, and weird, and all that jazz, and have often wondered, of late, if the little one too perhaps did. Now I don’t. I know !
They say first born are…
- way more angelic… ???
- way more responsible
- seem to mature faster (they ought to, don’t you think, seeing that they need to make space for the second one in line )
- more accomodating, adaptive..??
- can be easier to engage, in activities…
- perhaps better readers, too
These I have garnered from snippets shared on different posts with the same thread.
Going by my own history and what I see being made of my offspring (Gosh! what a thought!) I think these are the observations that I deem noteworthy
- First borns are indeed angelic ( go on and gloat, all you FBs..Lol!), though naughtier
- They’re very friendly and engaging
- Very easy to care for
- Not in the least fussy, which however, these days (at home, with my FB) is getting me rather impatient! I do wish my big ‘un would at least change clothes, freshen up when he needs to go out, even if it is with me or his friends !
- They’re voracious readers. He can wade his way through a tome quicker than you can snap his fingers I think that has to do with the fact that he had so many story tellers as a child. He was the first grandchild for all his grandparents, and the first baby in the house, for his aunts and uncles too
- He’s mature and responsible, yes, but forgetful too
That is the big ‘un. But then this is about the second born, who has been biding his time; and all that while after the April 12 write for the elder one, I have been waiting to do this for the little one. Though there is this verse, of sorts, intended purely for him, you know one needs to balance well, esp with the kids !
So, from Kunju, the elder, and me, this is for you Kunjunni, my little one
Being a second born myself, I find ever so many commonalities in temperament and thought, that it is sometimes amazing. (At the same time I now sympathize and empathize with my own mother )And perhaps because of that we mirror so much of each others’ thoughts, and therefore end up having these absolutely grand arguments and fights, dramatically reacting and over reacting, silent sulks and verbal wars. Not to forget, of course, the fantastic wavelength we are on most times, speaking out each others’ thoughts Too!!
Where do I begin to tell you of him?
An angelic baby (who should have been a daughter, I have said ever so often!) he soon proved to be truly angelic, determined and single minded when it came to routine, people and activities.
It had been so easy to handle the elder one. He’d go along with anyone and everyone… grandparents, aunts, cousins, neighbours and could be kept so easily entertained. Well behaved too, if you dont take into account his fondness for throwing onions and potatoes, and on occasion, the heavy iron out of my parents’ 4th floor apt. in Mumbai ! Stories fascinated him, and still do
But, the little one? Oh no Siree! Only his Amma for him, thank you. Everyone else was to keep safe distance, and not even THINK of looking at him, let alone TALK. The very thought! Dear God! His lower lip would jut out, curl downwards, and he’d being with a small wail that grew in volume and intensity! To gloss over… travelling with both of them, on my own, which I had to do often, was no cakewalk ! Exhausting? Way beyond all that!
It took all of four years for him to permit others to befriend him; till then no other than his immediate family, parents and brother, and maternal grandma were allowed into his hallowed space.
The same little one has a circle of friends too many to count, and all of them from a variety of classes and colleges, and places
Perhaps, because, with the passing of time, he grew with a charm that seemed to knock people off their perch, while he maintained his space I have never figured out how he managed to do that
He has been a quiet Lion. (Ok he is a Leo too ) not the loud, and roaring variety; in his pre teens. All of which changed when he finished his Std X. The cub transformed then. Quietly there assumed a young lion whose leadership skills were as astonishing, as they were competent. Other colleagues at my school (where both of them studied, poor things ) began to wonder at the “smiling baby” who seemed, all of a sudden to have grown up!
Do second borns transform suddenly? I’ve wondered. Growing up in the shadow of a more accomplished sibling (the elder one was a prefect and all that… ), when they find the sun peeking out at them , after the shadow shifts, do they then bloom?
It seems to have been somewhat similar in my case. With an extra intelligent, talented, athletic elder brother, who always topped his class, played in the U-19 state cricket team, who was Captain of the NDA cricket team later, it was hard to live up to expectations, though none were voiced Once he moved out of home, I guess I changed a lot First off, I changed courses at college without my parents knowing. From BSc to BA, later informed my folks, who accepted quite gracefully ! And then got into every possible activity in school, and freaked out. Literally.
But back to my little one
Once he began his engineering studies, the change became more pronounced. He came across as more confident, the diffidence of his early years having quite been obliterated Right up until yesterday, at the close of day, a succesful day of competitions at their inter branch internal competitions at college, he received so many messages of congratulations on his leadership and for his co ordination.
I wonder again. Do the second borns suddenly change with time, and …. I think so. I did. Mine did.
Second borns… yes
- They have a mind of their own, and are rather unlikely to change it for anything
- They experiment more… avidly; and daringly – hair colours, peircing ears, testing the limits of a parent’s patience
- I think they are more creative??
- Are more emotionally insecure, most times?
- Seem to always feel the need to prove themselves…
And this young Lion of mine, I always tell him he is a class apart. He swells with pride. Either way, positive or negative that “class apart” may be, he’s happy not belonging to the herd
He jumps in with both feet, into anything and everything
He also puts both feet in where they should not be, his mouth, a lot !
And then the “sorry” game begins… more to soothe, than to repent
And finally his classic line… all his, though he did appropriate it from “Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Ghum”
Parampara, Mom, Parampara
takes the cake!
Lol. It would seem that the kid has suddenly discovered his heritage, which he discovered similarities with the other second born at home. His mother
And why, you wonder, am I telling you all this today? This lion, hot on the heels of another young Lioness is celebrating his birthday on 3 August.
Happy Birthday Kunjunni
Mr President you rock! (ref. to earlier post, to know why President..Lol!)
With fond wishes, and all our Love
The First Amma
The First Brother
The First Dogs – Chinnu, Kuttan, Appu and Paru
The First Cat – Malu
May you be blessed abundantly. Always.
You certainly are your favourite thought personified.
Leadership is about Action, not Position